people have always said to me, 'why don't you charge for reading the tarot? i've got lots of friends that want it done'. my usual answer is that i just don't feel right charging, and i'm still learning.  but i think i've ,anaged to find out the real reason why. i don't think i'm good enough. when i'm reading the cards, my mind is clear and i'm pretty much always accurate. but when i'm not, i don't think i'm that good. i would feel like a fraud if i charged. mostly because any good reader will not just tell you what the cards are saying, but tell you what the cards suggest you do, a course of action. but with our current financial situation, i need to get over it and charge a modest fee. i hate overcharging, so it won't be expensive. i need to look in the mirror and shout 'GET OVER IT!' i'll never get anywhere if i don't believe in myself. maybe i'll ask someone to do a reading for me at magicka in caffe tarot, see if they can offer some guidence.

ugh, i am so tired. i was kept up for ages last night by a male...spirit, or something. he kept trying to talk to me, but i couldn't hear him properly. it was like. you hear someone talking in the next room, and the door opens for a sec, so you can hear them full volume, but then the door closes and you can't anymore. so i didn't get any coherant message. just as i would get comfortable, it'd happen again. i tried asking what he wanted (it was definately a mans voice) but still couldn't get a coherant answer.

i'm hoping it doens't happen again tongiht cos its my daughters birthday tomorrow and i want to be well rested! 

well, after seeing one if the spirits in my daughters room, i am a little puzzled. i saw a sillhoutte of an old woman (i'm sure it was female), really old, like bent over. and she had a wide brimmed hat. i got a very very old sense from her, like she was from old mother shiptons time. and she had a yellow aura. i did a little research and found that a yellow aura is very positive and can indicate a spiritual teacher and tells of contentment. is this spirit an ancestor, content at what she is seeing, or is she a spiritual teacher for me, or my daughter seeing as i saw her in my kids room? i don't get any negative vibes from her at all. she just watches.

i just uploaded some pics my of latest jewelry peices and an athame and wand i did for a 'client'.

 and an update....i am back at magicka, thanks to the sheer determination of three friends! they know who they are! i'm glad to be back with the forums i either created (well, my idea, my work, admin did the actual creating) or co created.

i've not been very well the last few days. especially yesterday when i was laid low with a migraine. its in in full force, but i can stand without retching today, so thats good!

aside from that i have found i have a long past family member watching over me. he's so long past that he died well before i was born, so i'm not sure why he is here. i think i know who it is. its kinda hard to narrow down to be honest. i'm pretty sure its one of my paternal grandmothers (also passed before i was born) brothers. but, she had 21 siblings and i have no idea how many were boys! but like i said, i think i know who it is. i have always felt a connection with my nan, even though she died before i was born. i always knew there was something about her family. so its nice to know who i am and care enough to come and see me. which is more than i can say for my immediate family.

i still haven't found time to meditate. but i have a little ritual planned to cleanse my new amethyst pendulum, and then i want to try and communticate with this family member. i always thought he looked in through the window, but it turns out (thanks to a friend) that he is inside the flat. i always felt a nervous presence over there. but when we began to figure out who it was, i felt a sense of relief from that spot. so i want to let him know that i really appreciate him for coming to see me and that i love him as my great uncle, even though we never physically met. it means alot to me that he would keep an eye on me.

i had such a great time yesterday! we had some friends come down, and we went for a walk down by the river and had fajitas for dinner. it was such a laugh! i haven't had that much fun for ages!

my friend clare loved the photo album i made her for her birthday and i love the book she bought me! and the painting jo bought round for us is spectacular! i could look at it all day. the detail is amazing! and shed is going to be illustrating my books! over the next few days i'm going to trace the pentagram design tali wants for his altar box and get started. and whether they like it or not, i have to pay them with more than an altar box!

 

i took some pics of the jewelry i made, including two new pieces. i'll get them on here asap. 

anyway i gotta shoot for now, might write again later...